When I was in high school I used to wish that the accounting teacher would be sick on test day. I know it was wishful thinking but it meant not having to deal with what must’ve been one of the most boring subjects, but also avoiding the scrutiny that I always got from that class.
Well, the last two weeks felt like that. First, there was the employee redundancy. Thankfully, he took it sagely and with great maturity – better than I had expected. I admired his calmness but it also bothered me. So many questions arose.
- Would I have acted as well if it was me on the other end?
- What values did I have that would have held me through?
- Did this match with the kind of place that I worked for?
- Does the job really bring much in personal satisfaction?
- What the heck am I still doing here?
The spiral was quick and inescapable.
This was soon followed by the departure of a senior head – a former caretaker manager, stolen by a rival company with a transplanted Financial Director. Again, the same roiling thoughts:
- Why couldn’t it have been me?
- They are planning to steal me sometime, right?
- Oh, no. They’re not.
- Why am I still here?
After two weeks of madness, I knew I needed to break the spell. But where to go?