I had my performance review today and it didn’t go as well as I hoped. Sure, I guess it was coming. I haven’t been putting in the effort and really signals the end of my commitment to this organization.
Where it hurts is that the constructive criticism was preceded by the term, “It’s expected of a leader…” Does that mean that they thought I should have done better? That they truly valued me and I was really highly regarded. Or is it merely a way to test my resolve to deliver to an undefined plan? Don’t worry about the direction, just make sure you consult every leader about what you think should be done so that change can happen, no matter what its form.
So, I’m angry at myself and frustrated at a business that requires so much hand-pressing, circulation to get buy in. I just feel that before I move, I need to smooth this over. Give my pound of flesh, just to demonstrate to them and me that I can be successful according to rules I don’t quite know, understand or believe in.