Cheating Myself?

Source: flickr.com via @Steven Murray

Throughout this job hunt (and I don’t know if it’s common) I’ve tried not to mention to anyone who I’ve been interviewing with and whether I was feeling confident about the job, regardless of my real thoughts. The only role I’ve actually ever directly interviewed for in the last three weeks I actually thought was darn easy. So easy that I walked into that interview thinking that the job was mine, that I was actually part of the business already. I even mentioned to some people the name of the company and how they could see me working in that industry.

So, it came as an obliterating wheel of karma that my wife saw the job re-advertised today. Since then my head has that emptiness like I’ve been wailing all day. I’m drained and I wonder where I’ve gone wrong. The recruiter had mentioned that I was the most senior person that they were interviewing and I’m guessing that probably played some part in it. I feel that there were questions that I fumbled and maybe my over-confidence played too strongly.

Now I feel like I cheated – thinking that the job was mine and that I would just waltz into that place being a golden boy. While inside I’m hoping it’s some kind of administrative screw up that the job is up again, I feel that this option is closed and I needed to learn some humility.


Waiting and Re-running Conversations

Source: flickr.com via @CelineTaylor

I’ve finally met a recruiting manager and his HR counterpart for a role I could do in my sleep. It was interview number three and the industry is also among my top three and when I first saw the ad, I thought that it was too good to be true – essentially a role made for me. Of course, reading between the lines you learn that it isn’t as senior and that the company is going through a phase of learning which means that I’ll be doing this a few rungs below my experience. With that comes teaching and coercing and building rather than just thinking about possibilities. Yes, a negative in some ways but not necessarily a bad one.

The other night I woke up at 5 just re-running a conversation. During the interview I thought I answered the HR person well but the hiring manager not so. As often happens, it’s those tricky questions that you thought you could have answered better. Then, I’m here, thinking that I might be just desperate enough to beg for a job knowing that that would just be a blow to my dignity and the air that’s keeping me bouncing, floating on the surface of happiness. You hope for the best and that somehow they choose you but at the same time guarding against the possibility of a big let down.

So, I’m just waiting and re-running those conversations in my head and trying not to be too down.


Shrug It Off

Source: flickr.com via @TreyRatcliff

Today… interview for a coveted job… over Skype. So, I prepare for a day or so, become more familiar and remember what I’ve done and the focus isn’t what I work on. I embrace my technical side but the interview was more about the people stuff, influencing others, developing and connecting. I’m not so good at that and I really didn’t put my best on.

Then, the let down and sense of wanting to have done better. My statistical chances are 50:50 with 6 interviewees for a 3 person short list. So long to go and this is the first serious chat. Clouds are coming and I need to breeze to blow them away.



The Joys of Being Wanted

Source: flickr.com via @ Sprinkle Happiness

When job hunting, there is nothing more welcome than that unexpected call from a recruiter. Yes, they’re strange animals who are working hard for a paycheck but when all those job searches and applications yield only impatience and helplessness, that call out of the blue gives such a boost.

While my mood has been quite positive, receiving two calls from different recruiters about a number of jobs is bliss! There is validation and most importantly, a sense of worth. Someone actually wants what I can give and there is nothing more joyful than that.