Source: flickr.com via @housephotography

So, I find myself teetering – not trying to fall on either side of an emotional seesaw. Anxiety and dark brooding anger on one side and irrational giddiness on the other. I’ve been crazy optimistic before (when I thought I’d be a shoe-in for a job or as one recruiter said, “you’d already hired yourself”) only to be badly disappointed.

In trying to stay level, I’d say that I’m emotionally neutered. I can’t speed to anger or worry because that’s unproductive while being too excited can only lead to a let down.

Going through the day trying not to be too sad or glad is tiring. The search is okay. I don’t think I’m networking hard enough and the Christmas worry is perhaps easing, mainly because I’m trying not to be too down about it. The home pressure has eased and there is an uncomfortable comfort in this current state of play. Whether that helps in the overall job search, I’m not sure.

I do know that trying new things (freelancing is certainly on the cards) and self-training is happening (albeit too slowly). That gives me some energy but it’s getting long now and while I know I’m capable, time is ticking… but to what end?


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