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Cheating Myself?

Source: flickr.com via @Steven Murray

Throughout this job hunt (and I don’t know if it’s common) I’ve tried not to mention to anyone who I’ve been interviewing with and whether I was feeling confident about the job, regardless of my real thoughts. The only role I’ve actually ever directly interviewed for in the last three weeks I actually thought was darn easy. So easy that I walked into that interview thinking that the job was mine, that I was actually part of the business already. I even mentioned to some people the name of the company and how they could see me working in that industry.

So, it came as an obliterating wheel of karma that my wife saw the job re-advertised today. Since then my head has that emptiness like I’ve been wailing all day. I’m drained and I wonder where I’ve gone wrong. The recruiter had mentioned that I was the most senior person that they were interviewing and I’m guessing that probably played some part in it. I feel that there were questions that I fumbled and maybe my over-confidence played too strongly.

Now I feel like I cheated – thinking that the job was mine and that I would just waltz into that place being a golden boy. While inside I’m hoping it’s some kind of administrative screw up that the job is up again, I feel that this option is closed and I needed to learn some humility.

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The Quiz – What’s a CLM?

Unhappy

Here’s an example of the leadership in my company and how frustrating and morale sapping it is.

During lunch hour our team used to do the quiz from the local paper. Fifteen questions and each participant wrote their answers on whatever scrap or Post-it they could find. Once the answers were read out, everyone self-scored, honesty system applied. Trivia was a lot of fun for the group and it helped bond us.

The quiz became quite popular and we soon had people in adjoining pods playing. Sometimes when we missed lunch we ran through the quiz at the witching hour of 3pm, when batteries needed charging.

Somehow our fun got noticed and I got tapped on the shoulder by my manager, “Psst. You’d better stop doing the trivia. The Marketing Director saw you all and isn’t pleased.”

Two things annoyed me here: (1) It’s only light trivia, taking up 15 minutes at most and it’s not like we don’t do our work; and (2) why did the Director have to speak to my manager instead of either joining in or telling me directly?

Was this the day when my career path and high potential status were permanently blotted? Was this a Career Limiting Move?

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